Martin Cuff Consulting

I was wondering how they’d turn a dodgy board game into a blockbuster aliens-blow-shit-up sci-fi spectacle. I thought they might skip the strategy stuff altogether and I was really pleasantly surprised how they pulled it off (it’s actually pretty inspired, something to do with tsunami buoys – seriously.) And whilst there’s little character development, some [...]

I’ll say this nicely. There’s a guy in my gym who’s suffering from some sort of elephantiasis. Seriously. He’s got this wee, completely normal-sized head that’s carrying no extra flab around his chin or cheeks, but his body is lumbering and massive and each of his legs are the size of my entire torso. As [...]

The Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a glossy re-imagining of how the world of the seventies Sci-Fi tv series – where talking chimps rule the world and humans are dumb slave labor – comes about. This time, a crumply scientist (James Franco) tries to cure Alzheimers and creates a brain potion that’s [...]

Super-Serb Milla Jovovich and chunky little Steve Zahn (that’s new, serious Steve Zahn, not the former doofus version) are ostensibly a pair of love-struck newly-weds on Honeymoon in Hawaii. It’s A Perfect Getaway. They take a hiking trail to a remote part of one of the islands, falling in with an Iraq war vet and [...]

Predators asks just one thing of it’s audience, but it is a pretty big ask nonetheless: that you consider only the first Predator film (starring the Gubernator himself) as source material, whilst figuratively drinking your own bodyweight in order to forget the unmitigated trash of Predator 2 and the even worsePredator/Alien mash-ups that followed. No [...]

Another up-and-coming: Predators. Hawaii-Texas locations. Utterly crap trailer, but no, really, I cannot wait….

Doofus musician Peter (Jason Segel) has spent six years idolizing his girlfriend, television star Sarah Marshall. When she dumps him, he takes an impulsive trip to Oahu, Hawaii, where he is confronted by his worst nightmare: his ex and her hip new Rock Star boyfriend, Aldous, are staying at the same resort….. Forgetting Sarah Marshall [...]

With a bored, rambunctious child to entertain, I thought I’d scare the wits out of her with a Jurassic Park marathon – 1 (awesome), 2 (ho-hum) and 3 (pretty good.) In brief, a mad scientist (transformed in the movie into a kindly old man) has found a way to clone dinosaurs using blood from 65 [...]

I’m not quite sure what to make of Tropic Thunder - Ben Stiller’s raucous romp through Indochina (Zoolander meets Apocalypse Now). Some belly laughs (mostly covering my mouth going “Oh my god!”), some knowing smiles, a whole lot of “what now?”s. I got all of the jokes and everything; I just didn’t find them all that hilarious. Or [...]

Ok, now that the movie’s finally out, it’s probably finally safe to talk about this….. Although Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull features all sorts of Cold War triple agent spy-jinks and McCarthy-esque witch-hunts for hidden Reds, it would appear that most feared were those who might have tried to steal the movie’s secrets. The final [...]