Iron Man 2. Hm. Where to start? Wasn’t it Dorothy Parker who said: “If you’ve nothing good to say about anyone, come sit by me…”

So in light of the above: considering IM1 was such a blast, IM2 felt strangely like an altogether smaller film. The wealthy playboy’s mega-birthday bash for instance seemed to involve about twenty extras and a dj playing tunes from an ipod under the stairs. Sam Rockwell’s still got fake tan on his hands. Samuel L Jackson phones in his performance. Mickey Rourke (below) is seriously scary in a way that has absolutely nothing to do with the movie. Terence Howard is missed missed missed. Need I go on?  Oh, and that waster Robert Downey Junior is so far back on my Naughty List, it’s gonna be coal for him for Christmas.

Oh, I guess I should come down off that fence and tell you what I really thought of it, right? It’s crap. And I mean that in a nice way.

The stand-out location is Monte Carlo, during the Monaco Grand Prix. That’s exciting enough. There’s some nice behind-the-scenes footage here.a