Remember the perplexing Colombiana and my incredulity at the preposterousness of “murder by shark”? Well, Shark Night is much much worse. It’s like Deliverance meets Scream meets Deep Blue Sea, with hicks setting sharks on co-eds. Oh. Did I just give away the entire plot? Don’t worry, you’ll thank me later.


Shark Night filmed in Louisiana, quite obviously for the financial incentives. Because otherwise the holiday playground is all dirty sand and murky water (I kept expecting the water/jet-skiers to hit submerged logs) and it doesn’t look anything like the kind of place you’d want to hang out – even without the sharks. Sara Paxton, we need to talk.