A few things:
Firstly, The Fallen is a person. Or rather (in spite of the kind of self-referential name worthy only of a guitarist in a rock band) he’s a Decepticon-Humanoid-Truck-Robot thingy.
Secondly, the movie’s got insulting, black “comic relief” Transformers – think Ja-Ja Binks meets Honda Accord.
Thirdly, it’s loud but it’s still really boring.
And fourthly, even snaky-hipped Shia LaBoeuf can’t save this car crash.