Man of Steel

Man of Steel is just awful. It’s a busy, loud, incoherent and unsatisfying mess of incomplete ideas, smugly self-referential homilies, bombastic (but dull) set pieces and too, too big a budget. The story is pathetically shallow: General Zod, banished from the planet Klingon, arrives in Kansas to reclaim an ancient codex that’s been stored in…

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The Possession

Well, that was weird: a Jewish horror movie? In The Possession, a girl buys a very old wooden box in a yard sale. Unbeknownst to anyone, the box contains a dybbuk – a malevolent Hebraic demon – which is released when the bratty child opens it. Said dybbuk possesses said child, mayhem ensues: blah blah…

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Cabin in the Woods

For some reason, I really wasn’t expecting Cabin in the Woods to be anything like it turned out to be. I was expecting a group of isolated college kids to be placed in deep trouble – see The Breed or Wrong Turn or just about any other fish-out-of-water horror fayre. From the trailer, I was…

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The Rise of the Planet of the Apes

The Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a glossy re-imagining of how the world of the seventies Sci-Fi tv series – where talking chimps rule the world and humans are dumb slave labor – comes about. This time, a crumply scientist (James Franco) tries to cure Alzheimers and creates a brain potion that’s…

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Watchmen

There are many, many, many things unwatchable about Zack Snyder’s Watchmen, so I shall name just four: Malin Ackerman’s moonface. Patrick Wilson’s chins. Matthew Goode (all of him), Billy Crudup’s blue penis. Off putting. When the Moonface and the Chins have disturbing close-up sex in a floating capsule, I was ready to break things. There’s…

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X Files – I Want to Believe

……And I wanted to see a really good movie. So we’re both disappointed, then. The latest X-Files movie feels like a really long tv episode. Duchovny and Anderson are great as usual, but the plot is leaden and, aside from a couple of genuinely creepy moments, it is rather lacking in suspense. I guess icky…

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The Day the Earth Stood Still

There were titters and guffaws in the Capetonian audience watching The Day the Earth Stood Still when it realised that an interstellar body with enough speed and size to anihilate the entire planet was heading for a direct impact with Manhattan Island. All 23 square miles of it. So here’s another little tip for Hollywood’s…

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88 Minutes

88 Minutes is about a serial killer put away on the evidence of a celebrity psychiatrist. Said killer may be innocent OR he may be trying to frame the good doctor before he’s executed. There’s a death threat in there too, somewhere. So let’s start by saying “It’s an Al Pacino film.” In alternative universes…

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