I once met a smug Canadian who told me there was no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes. It was minus 15 at the time, and whilst I did think about viciously punching out her smarmy lights, I was really too cold and too frakkin miserable to bother. And yet, inspite of the fact I absolutely don’t do cold in person, contrarily enough, I’m quite taken with the idea of it on celluloid. And Whiteout is more wintry than most.

US Marshal Carrie Stetko (the kind of stiff and permafrosty Kate Beckinsale) is the US Marshall at the American base in Antarctica, a post she’s taken in order to escape a traumatic incident in her past. As winter closes in, and the rest of the base evacuates before a terrifying blizzard, she’s held back by the discovery of a mysterious body on the ice and the small matter of an pick-wielding psycho who’s out to fillet her.

All in all it’s a servicable-enough thriller but the best bits are taken up by the dramatic, ice-bound locations. In this case Quebec and Manitoba stand in for the great white continent – and in particular I feel duty bound to mention the town of Gimli.

So, as if to prove that “Winter Wonderland” is in fact an oxymoron, I’m off to watch the creepy 30 Days of Night now.